inseparable foes, constant companions

we choose to believe

and what we believe in is one of those choices

we also choose to doubt

although we may doubt this as a choice

so what we doubt is equally one of those choices

 

we choose to doubt our doubts

maybe we have to?

and perhaps we have no choice in this?

for we cannot believe in our doubts

for then we may well begin to doubt what we believe

 

but nevertheless we do seem to doubt our beliefs

for if we never doubted we would know

and belief would then no longer be relevant

but can we ever really know…?

 

so we choose to shout a little louder

and speak a little quicker

so as to leave no gaps for the doubts to take their place

no gap for the adversary to establish ground

 

these constant companions: doubt and belief

together they walk, almost as one

 

inseparable foes

…or maybe not?

 

maybe they are one and the same?

 

…for clearly both are what we believe in

 

…and clearly we need both to be able to choose

 

nomads

The other day the oldest daughter of good friends wrote on Facebook,

“Is it possible to feel trapped inside yourself?”

To which I replied, “Most definitely young lady. In fact, I would be so bold as to suggest that if one does not feel this way there is something quite wrong.  We are not bodies with a spirit – we are spirit – housed or possibly even trapped for a while in a body.”

Unawares to me over the next few hours I was once again to be ambushed by a personal lament I have had since as far back as I can remember.

In my youth I was greatly impacted by the musical “West Side Story” and one of the tunes had a profound effect on me – “Somewhere”

It spoke to me of displaced people. People seemingly born out of place, out of time. Strangers in a foreign world, aliens trapped and stranded in circumstances perhaps beyond their conscious choosing.

Over the years I have managed to draw some significant comfort from the ancient holy writings that speak of the blessings that await those who are aliens and sojourners in a strange land, those who have set their minds on pilgrimage through a dry and inhospitable land. Aliens who are armed only with the hopeful vision in the eye of their hearts of the secret ancient paths that seem to lead to a place and a domain in another realm where there is indeed peace and rest.

Living my life in South Africa as a foreigner and an alien in my own land seems only to have served to illuminate this view on reality.

But I am not totally alone…

There are a few of us out here in the wilderness…

“There’s a place for us,
Somewhere a place for us.
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us somewhere.

There’s a time for us,
Someday a time for us.
Time together with time to spare,
Time to learn, time to care.
Someday, somewhere
We’ll find a new way of living,
We’ll find a way of forgiving,
Somewhere.

There’s a place for us,
A time and place for us.
Hold my hand and we’re halfway there
Hold my hand and I’ll take you there,

Somehow
Someday
Somewhere… “

Somewhere (There’s a Place for us)
Music: Leonard Bernstein
Lyrics: Stephen Sondheim