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Monthly Archives: May 2011

as is my custom I posted a somewhat semi cryptic, yet personally very significant and meaningful status update on facebook a few days ago

a sweet, well meaning friend added a comment that had nothing to do with the status update in any way whatsoever other than that it was written in the comment section underneath my status update. he had something to say and he seized the opportunity

I responded to his comment in the very next comment box under his and felt sure this would close down any flow that might have issued from my original update

now I can safely say that this specific person had no mind to be in anyway contrary, disrespectful or deviant at all, but my amusement turned to wonder in a few seconds as it made me think, “now isn’t this such a sign of our times?”

it also made me think about a line from a Paul Simon lyric that goes something like, … “he makes me think about all of these extra moves I make, and all this herky-jerky motion, and the bag of tricks it takes, to get me through my working day …. one trick pony”

how often do we say what we want to say to others not because we have heard them in any cognitive way and want to respond to them in what they say or feel but simply because they  happened to be there in front of us and happened to make a noise by saying something?  we say what we say because we want to say it … because we want to say it … and say it we will

how often do we seize every opportunity to ‘market’ ourselves in order to take advantage of some context for ourselves?

perhaps it’s because we are bombarded with so much info – data overload – that we have learned to block out stuff and can only see and hear what we want to see or hear?

“be careful what you hear” we are told

we are also led to consider that we are only able to love others as we love ourselves … and if we often don’t even see them or don’t even hear them, or if we block them out except for the opportunity it affords us to say what we want to say – … well, what might that say about us?

I catch myself doing this often, do you?


to give is better than receiving, to hear than to speak

and when we speak, how much of what we say is of us by our own creative initiative and how much is merely knee-jerk repetition of socially accepted rhetoric – merely memes, washed over pleasantries, subliminal agents of placation, absorptions of times spent listening without hearing, seeing without perceiving…?

and then we go out and contribute to the world we live in, make our cross, our vote for a better future, place our obligatory contribution into the offering plate … and rest at the end of a day with a feeling that this is all okay, and we fall asleep

until the next person says something

and I am honestly and sincerely confident that I too am a sweet, well meaning person with no mind to be in anyway contrary, disrespectful or deviant




There is something called the Large Hadron Collider which is situated in Europe somewhere near Geneva.  It is the world’s largest and highest energy particle accelerator.

Now hadron is not a place but rather a term physicists use to refer to atomic particles composed of quarks  – which in turn are believed to be the fundamental sub-atomic units and building blocks of all matter in the universe.  These quarks are extremely illusive little things so it is not difficult to imagine that to get your hands on one is not an easy task.  On a slightly humorous and somewhat less sophisticated (but no less significant) culinary level, a quark is also known as a soft creamy acid-cured cheese made from whole milk.

Anyway, the whole idea of the Hadron Colliderquark  bashing experiment is to create an environment that would facilitate a process that will cause opposing particle beams to collide at extremely high energy in order for physicists to observe what happens and capture and collate data.  The hopeful expectation of all this robust activity is to address and possibly even answer some of the most fundamental questions of life, advancing our understanding of the deepest and most mysterious laws of nature.


Sounds pretty much like a charismatic prayer meeting to me.

Yes, I concede, – a whole lot more sophisticated perhaps, but except for the white coats, almost exactly the same …


( … on second thoughts, perhaps we could also scrap the ‘white coats’ exception)

don’t forget your heart and the promise that we are to be led by, and taught by the spirit – this was and is god’s idea – not any of ours
the ‘word’ is a person (even the text tells us this itself and again, this is one of god’s ideas, not ours) – even the ‘words’ we speak are not letters but a person, they are us, and we are far greater than the combination of signs and meaning the symbols appear to be

the biggest trap with the ascendancy of the written ‘word’ (textualization) is that it is politically worked out as language in a symbolic way (a set of signs)  –  deployed to attempt to try articulately convey the fundamental essence and practical nature of meaning through an agreed upon form of communication which in reality pre-dates even speech, possibly even thought itself
speech and literature are culturally defined, determined and interpreted and culture is an ever evolving thing as we know and meaning naturally shifts through and with time and changing context

this is a very scary thing and needs to be taken seriously as it has dire potential for those who are not all that fully aware as all too often unscrupulous individuals have wittingly or unwittingly used this process as a tool, a weapon even, to manipulate others for sometimes quite sinister motives

at other times even innocent, caring people have unwittingly become servants of a cultural groundswell of historical circumstance – religious institutions of all kinds are an obvious example of this

even our scriptural texts tell us to guard our hearts above all else, for it is the wellspring of life – this calls for great courage and an ever sensitive ear and eye for the leading of the spirit.
perhaps it is better to err on the cautious or at least practice great circumspection rather than to rush in where even angels would fear to tread

yes, most people are trying to be good, but good is clearly seldom if ever good

One of the things that impacts me greatly when I read the gospel accounts is the way Jesus dialogued with those around him.  I use the word dialogue specifically here in contrast to the word monologue which is almost exclusively what we see and hear in our present religious settings.

What I see is that  Jesus asked a lot of questions and engaged intimately and personally with people in many different ways that suggests to me that he was more than just interested in their individual world view but that he even respected it and asked them for clarity on their way of seeing things.

In the gospel of John he goes into quite some detail about the intent of God in his being there and what this was really all about.  In it all there is rich evidence of what I see as God’s desire to engage with us as friends and not as slaves or even servants.  To my mind there is far less emphasis on a heavy, top-down relationship where mankind needs to cower and tip-toe around an angry, hostile, difficult to please master.   Instead I see a completely different picture, that of a great creator of all things, a supreme intelligence, wanting to enter in and explore a mutual relationship that is based on dialogue, friendship, agreement, even open and flexible negotiation.

What also stands out for me is that this was not as a result of any request on our side, prayerful or other.  As far as I can make out there is no record of anyone asking God to make it easier or to relax with all the heavy commandments and tough expectations.  Sure, some prophets lamented quite passionately from time to time but not a lot is recorded as saying, “Hey God, what’s your problem?” “Give us a break will you?”  … “What’s with all these impossible demands?”  “Cut us some slack here – we’re only human after all!”  Instead it appears overwhelmingly so that God’s kindness and open handed acceptance is an entirely unprovoked initiative from God himself.   In fact, even to this day there is more evidence to point to the fact that we still expect a bolt of burning sulphur like anger to descend on our heads at any moment … and this is what we tend to preach.  Yet this kindness, acceptance, unmerited embracing, … it’s all God’s idea.  Even salvation itself is penned as being for God’s sake, not exclusively ours.

Doesn’t that surprise you?  It totally caught the religious intelligentsia in Jesus’ day with their pants down and even with our sense of present time revelation and the ‘new testament’ of unmerited grace and forgiveness I think it still catches us as well.  I see this strange initiative of God as pointing quite convincingly to a desired relationship based on mutual respect and trust and as I said, this comes from God and not us.  For me this is amazing.  Talk about signs and wonders … this is BOTH!

And I don’t see God making a brazen demand for total conformity to a stronger, exacting, legalistically demanding, higher conduct but almost directly the opposite.   To me it presents a picture of the almighty creator descending down to what is obviously a lower order of life specifically to engage and not even exclusively on what is a higher demanding standard, but almost a mutual interaction, a dialogue not a monologue.   For me it’s sort of like, “Listen guys,  we got a huge problem here, sure, but I have a solution … and here’s what I have done about it …”   And if any changes are needing to be made it is God himself who makes it happen before we even know we could or should ask for it.

Equally strangely to me is that we seem to demand these ‘changes’ of ourselves and especially of others, it’s not God who makes these demands.  I mean, the offer was made to us before we even knew we were in need and we were accepted while still unimaginably smelly so why after being accepted with such open handed embrace would there need to be changes made in order to be more accepted?  Yet we expect people to conform to this kind of  stuff.  In fact we demand it.  Stuff like – don’t do this, stop doing that, start doing that, start doing the other thing, think this way and not that way, etc.   It looks to me like this solution we’ve been presented with in scripture is clearly a call for intimacy of a kind that is even in this so-called ‘enlightened’ day strikingly unusual.

“Terms and conditions apply!” – I hear this everyday in the media, but I struggle to see it in the sacred texts.  Yet it is heard from the pulpit all the time and is transferred through social censure and religious internal politics.  In fact, the way it reads to me is that if there are any terms and conditions they are met before we even know they are needing to be met.  As a consequence it really impacts me severely just seeing and experiencing the hierarchical and formal nature of even the most so called ‘liberal’ or ‘progressive’ of modern church systems.

The way I understand it the offer is to all, even the most anti-whatever, including the worst of the worst.   People who are so off, and I mean OFF! … WAY off – are freely accepted – totally embraced by this crazy, extravagant, generous, open hearted, open handed God.  But with us, if someone has even a slightly different idea on what or who God is or even a slightly different way they do something, they are cut off and rejected, even publicly insulted and humiliated, muscled out to the peripheral courts of the untouchable heathens – those blemishes in the community, the black sheep of the flock.
I cannot help but conclude for myself that this could very easily suggest that we have possibly not ever really understood anything of the intent and practical outworking of Jesus’ words on the matter even though we brandish about the term “The Father’s Heart” with great abandon.

I wonder what might happen if the penny dropped one day?

some hoped, some expected, some feared, some jeered … but so far it looks like it will all pass over uneventfully … except for the residue of the experience which will very possibly last a lot longer than the memory of the event in our lives – if only subconsciously perhaps.

on sunday morning many who in the secret place of hope and fear in their hearts who believed it would all end, or even hoped it were the truth, will most probably agree with those who scoff saying that they knew all along that it was not true … but inside?

a lot of what we believe is determined not by faith but by the apparent facts that seem to manifest around us and are either ratified or denied by the other mortals we associate with.  perhaps we may choose to deny it but to my mind it’s a very social gospel we live by – one that is rooted so much more in the natural than the spiritual or eternal.

me, i think i’m with those whose hopes were dashed

perhaps a fair amount of those who secretly hoped the world would end are those who really qualify – and perhaps by default – for a true spiritual faith?  perhaps they hoped not because of a theology or intelligence this way or that but because they are suffering in some way or another? – financially, emotionally, physically?  perhaps they are extremely lonely even in the crowd and the laughter?  perhaps just the thought of being taken out of here is such an attraction?  perhaps they truly feel like aliens in this harsh and cruel world?  they might not be able to admit it publicly but they may feel like they are unloved, lonely, desperate with very few to tell about it let alone understand.  perhaps these people long for a reboot of the whole damn thing?  for some a total change, however drastic and costly would be such welcome relief?  my faithful scepticism tends towards their world – especially at times like these.

for many of the brazen and outspoken, those who verbosely quote chapter and verse and pontificate on what the latest apostle/prophet/preacher/author last published … well, they too have fears and doubts – only their inner fears won’t allow them to acknowledge it.  but they feel safe inside their own minds because in this modern era volume is believed to be the all powerful answer

what is it about us that so easily wishes on things? why is it so easy for us to be effected by this kind of stuff?

as my blogname suggests, i am a faithful skeptic.  My views are not at all acceptable by the mainstream out there yet i too have a belief system and an extremely strong one at that.  this is what impacts me so greatly.  for me, having an extremely strong faith is not an achievement at all – as much as romantic love for another is not an achievement.  it just happens and we are swept along by it.  it tends to consume us.  and it leaks out for all except usually ourselves to see.  me, i am mostly shocked by my beliefs.  i have grown comfortable with them not because they are correct necessarily but because they are mine and they are all I have.  i doubt a lot and never stop questioning, but i cannot shake off my beliefs.  they sort of consume me

so, it looks like the world may not end today and for some this may very well be the end of their world

there is a song penned by phil keaggy long ago that has made an indelible impact on my thinking ever since i first heard it sung. the opening lyrics go something like this,

“who will speak up for the little ones?

hopeless and half abandoned

they’ve got a right to choose

life they don’t want to lose

i’ve got to speak up, won’t you?”

he was writing on the abortion issue as far as i can recall but it is nevertheless equally true for the lonely, the suffering, the desperate, those in despair and hopelessness, those whose personal reality clashes so dramatically with the theology and meme-artistry around them.

who will speak up for such as these?

me, i tend towards being brazen and self-possessed … but i’ve got quieten down a whole lot and speak up – won’t you?

[aka – helping is not always helpful]

it’s good to be kind and helpful.  i don’t know about you but i think it is.  at least, if you said it i’d be one of the last to oppose your statement.  but i’m not always good at it although i try my best to be.  but truth be told there’s a side to me that is not always helpful and i have come to understand (more and more as i have grown older it seems) that i am not naturally so kind or good as i’d like myself and others to think i am.

we have just come through a very difficult learning curve involving trying to help someone else.  this person seemed in need and we wanted to help.  so we stepped in and took a stand at our expense and did what we believed was a helpful, kind thing to do.  it may sound stupid to you, but a big reason we did this was because we have been helped so many times by so many and we so appreciated it.  we also believe that if we give we will in time and in turn receive

that was then.  now, well over 50 grand down the toilet later and all manner of internal stress and toxicity of thought – not to mention the loss of sleep and sense of humour, we have terminated the whole thing and walk away …. still with a sense of guilt that maybe we could have continued to sustain the loss …..  and amazingly still with the thought and intent to be kind, generous, and forgiving as we terminated.

now generally i do this by faith not by nature (i speak mainly for myself here so please don’t burst a valve just yet).  but i have fast begun coming to a new suggestion or take on reality for myself.

my wife asked me a strange question this morning.  she asked me what gift this person left me in all of this?  “no more red wine for you darling!!” was my immediate thought, but i never let my lips know what my head was thinking and instead i thought about it and this is the gift i received:

the gift to me is the realisation that i am fast coming to a conclusion that sometimes trying to be kind and helping others can mess with major lessons that need to be learned.  … and i’m referring here to lessons needing to be learned in those we are trying to help as well as in us.

more often than not helping is not really helpful at all.

… and!! ….perhaps this could be the biggest gift i received – looking inside myself sometimes i think we “help” others more because it helps us to think we are being helpful/kind, etc and this is more about us than it is about those we think we are trying to help – so are we even being helpful to ourselves by doing this sort of thing?

“don’t cast your pearls before swine” and “don’t give to dogs what is holy” comes to my mind but the point here is not to be insensitive and callous, but rather to spend our real energy in the acquisition of the wisdom to distinguish between swines without making a pig of ourselves

A meme is a unit of cultural information.  It’s an idea which is usually expressed in some culturally defined action. Meme’s are transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another.  Meme’s are shared meaning endorsed and entrenched over time.

An interesting example of a meme is found in the ancient sacred texts of the Hebrews.  They were instructed to never forget and even to repeat the words of the law of God given through Moses all the time.  They were instructed to never let them depart from their mouths and even to write them on their foreheads and their hands (I can’t imagine that this was to be done literally but nevertheless the idea seems to me to be clearly that in every practical area of their lives the laws or sayings of God were to be the filter).

But then along came a man named Jesus who never rejected the ancient memes, he just introduced such a revolutionary interpretation of them that it caused all manner of disturbance.  He presented such a radical shift in the cultural thinking of the day that it eventually led to his death.

One way of looking at this is that it revealed that hundreds of years of memetic culture was challenged and for two thousand years now we have seen and lived with the effects of this.

New doctrine was scripted to document and interpret these events and in these texts new patterns of understanding were introduced that amongst other things indicated that the ancient Hebrews seemed to miss the real meaning of the teachings of Moses and the prophets.  The doctrine of the so called New Testament reveals that the memes of the ancients were somehow lost in translation, that they we not mixed with faith but instead clogged with meaningless religious ritual and cultural and political bias.

Now I am sure there are many different interpretations of this process of events but the one that really impacts my thinking is that this same Jesus was recorded as saying that he would return again.  He also cautioned and directly questioned whether when he did return he would find faith on earth.

Could it be that one set of memes was replaced by another and that the same disturbance might be repeated?  Only this time on those who for two thousand years have believed that they have direct access to the Living God and as a consequence the keys to knowledge and truth … just like the ancient Hebrews themselves believed of their belief systems in their day?  The New Testament scriptures reveal that the Hebrews could not and even would not accept this and as a result the life and truth of God was snatched from them (at least for a time, depending on one’s theology) because of their offense.

Now no one knows when or how Jesus will return, but when he does I wonder how we who believe we have the full truth might react when we see him as he really is?

There is an imported Motorcycle manufacturer which produces high end motorcycles for worldwide distribution.  They manufacture their luxury motorbikes with a built in alarm system as a standard feature.  The alarm is a fairly hi-tech device that needs to be enabled upon delivery if the new owner so desires and most choose this option for obvious reasons when they take delivery.  Because the motorcycles are very attractive a real problem exists wherein the public seem to be overwhelmingly drawn to touch and even sit on the bikes if they are seen parked unattended in some public place.  Passing people have been known to touch & even fondle the bikes from time to time, running their hands caressingly over the chrome fittings and also over the immaculate paint work on the tank and fenders. Many onlookers at times are seemingly very  attracted to these bikes and appear to also sometimes have the urgent need to be photographed whilst sitting or languishing on the parked vehicle often times with a “Tom Cruise – Top Gun” attempted look-a-like facial expression on their mesmerized faces.  Sometimes they even have their girlfriends, mothers, grandparents, pets and kids on their laps with their cute, buckled shoes and sticky ice cream sodden hands smearing their apparent love, respect and affection everywhere.

One of the benefits of the standard alarm system on these imported motorcycles is a “tampering device.”  It is a clever motion detector device that activates itself and gives an initial warning when anyone touches the bike or tries to lift it up off its stand or turns the ignition switch.  It initially gives off a shrill screech to warn off the would be intruder but if the intruder persists it fully activates and the siren blasts an ear-chilling barrage of squeals and the bike shuts all its systems down rendering it unstealable (short of being winched up onto the back of some flat-bed truck and driven off).

This nifty device has a few short-comings though. One of which is that the motion detector would howl incessantly if the bike was towed on a trailer and eventually the bike battery would discharge if the eardrums didn’t burst first.  A simple, clever process can be employed to disengage the motion detecting aspect of the alarm so that the bike can be transported securely and without any alarm going off all the time.  This is called the “transport Mode.”

Any real biker will tell you that bikes are for riding and not for being towed on a trailer.  Bikes were never built to be towed in transport mode from one place to another with the motor off and sensory alarm disengaged.  They were built to be ridden and enjoyed and a big part of this enjoyment is full contact with the road and the wind literally full in the face and the deep throated growl of a powerful engine propelling one forward.

I cannot help wondering with the elections coming up in a few days just how many of us have our hearts and minds active and engaged with the fullness of life and how many are up on some political spin-doctors trailer with their motors off, being towed along with wheels firmly locked down and their sensory system in “Transport Mode?”

waiting on God … hmmm?  a very prominent meme amongst christians from what I can see

firstly, it’s very rich coming in a world of fast-food, instant gratification, personal short and long term insurance, re-insurance, quick-fix best sellers, disposable culture

just the thought of waiting on/for anything is revolutionary in our times

so what are we waiting for? …. for God to open doors?

I was asked this very sincerely recently –  so it got me thinking

… and when we wait what are we waiting for?

is God late? reluctant? … holding out with punitive intent? … insisting that we first learn a lesson or two before he grants us our wish … our need …. our desire ….does God do this?

hang on,  I thought it says that he makes it rain on the godly as well as the ungodly … so, nah, can’t be then? … can it?

hey! – maybe he’s waiting for us? … but if we are waiting for God and he’s waiting for us neither will get what they’re waiting for – in fact, this way no one gets anywhere … so it’s got to be one or the other, not both? … not so?

so, what does it say? … it says that God is at rest – that’s what it says

and what could this mean?     is he tired?     exhausted?      needing a holiday?

but then again, maybe not ….  maybe he’s satisfied?  … like after a job well done … maybe even content, confident – maybe God’s at rest in the fact that what was begun in the beginning was indeed good, profoundly successful and very well balanced and well able, in it’s own good and perfect time and process to run its perfect course to a perfect end … ?

but for most of us to wait is a huge weight – especially in these times we live in

ok, so he’s resting, but does this mean he’s stopped? … now there’s a question!

it all was started in the beginning and it goes on, or so we are led to believe

we use words like eternity … a very short word for such a long time

… but then maybe time has nothing to do with eternity? … now there’s another long question

it’s often sung from the scriptures that waiting on God is good

but is it always good to wait?

well, maybe not always, but perhaps definitely in this day and age

why?  –  well to my mind we live in an artificial world – a world no longer in line with what it was meant to be – a make believe world of virtual reality masquerading as reality, in fact no, not only masquerading as reality, but actually replacing reality

we have made the world we live in and it’s a world of strenuous marketing strategies based almost exclusively on self-promotion

this is so anti the spirit, pattern and process of the universe we say we live in – even so anti the spirit of the Christ we claim to worship and follow as personal disciples (did the term ‘anti-christ’ come to mind? … hmmmm?)

I had a thought once that shook me to my bones – a simple thought really, but it changed almost everything for me …. it dawned on me that the creator as well as the creation does not plant trees, but instead, seeds are sown. … this is a revolutionary thought (if you can let the seed take root in your mind that is)

if anything is to surface, it will surface even if it has to break through tons of solid concrete

it may take time but it will surface

there are very few if any, sudden, quick fixes

trying to make things happen …. also, ….  waiting for things to happen, both don’t work – it will  happen, or it won’t  …. and when it does it will not be a second earlier or later than is the perfect time, regardless of the circumstance or context – perhaps even if the context is our own misguidedness or even mindless foolishness … now there’s another thought

this is not fatalism but the reality of the order of our universe … and if there is no order … well then, nothing matters at all … which sadly, in this day of such enlightenment and technological advance is pretty much the way we live our lives mostly – no mind for the effects of cause nor the cause of effects – no understanding of time or space ahead or past …. only, nothing but me and mine

perhaps ‘waiting on God’ is simply the time it takes to finally allow ourselves to see the reality of who we are? … also the reality of what we are, where we are and what we are standing on  … so that then we can respond appropriately

perhaps it’s the time it takes for us to come to a realisation of who or what God is? … for us?

and who or what we are … for God?

… that is who God is …

…. that who we are is what we are

…. that who we or God are is not what we’d like it to be, or wish it weren’t – which is just normal marketing and merely vain magic tricks  to try perhaps stay the hand of the inevitable for a while  (did you hear the word witchcraft?)

there is order out there as well as in here … so maybe waiting on God is the realisation that shouting louder only makes us deaf to the realities around us…

… that trying harder only increases the resistance …

… that giving up only prepares us for collision

but like God, we too can be at rest

So there were these people from long ago who basically led seemingly very unexciting and mostly uneventful lives, or at least it appears that way.  Every now and then there was the occasional conflict, maybe a tribal feud, a battle over territorial rights, perhaps a minor war even, but mostly there were huge gaps of sometimes even decades between one recorded event and the next.  During these long gaps these people mostly were peaceful shepherds.  Nomads on a vast and seemingly endless horizon.  Yet even then not many strayed far from the place of their birth or where their family had dwelled for generations before.  They had flocks of goats, sheep, maybe even camels or some horses.  Really very primitive and pedestrian compared to our present day.  There was technology of sorts yes,  but nothing compared to what we know of now-a-days.  Attention to detail was probably exclusively centred around weather patterns and the well-being of their flocks, you know, ticks, fleas, hoof-rot and finding adequate grazing and water and also preparing for the dry periods or cold winter times when natural provisions from the land were usually far less plentiful.

They lived mostly in tents or possibly in natural shelters like caves.  Occasionally they established villages or cities but this was not often and usually only when circumstance really dictated the need.  They lived with no running water other than the occasional river or brook  and no mechanised ablution systems.  A stroll just outside of nose, eye and ear-shot with a bundle of dry leaves sufficed it seems.  Times were tough in some ways perhaps but it was all they knew and there’s no significant record of any consumer complaints for inadequate or untimely service delivery.

It seems as if their major value was life itself.  Prosperity was measured in terms of  new life and the health and abundance thereof.  Children were a blessing worthy of the highest joy and celebration as were the offspring of their livestock.  Wealth was measured in years lived and the simple yet profound fruits of the living body – whether that body was human or animal or the earth itself.  They were born, lived, gave birth and then they died.  There is seemingly very little evidence of 2, 5, or even 10 year plans, neither the need for annual vacations or retirement.  To hand the riches of experience and close-knit company to their offspring was more than enough, a celebration in and of itself.

As for me, I have traveled more in one day than most of these ancients did in their entire lifetime.  My personal environment is so advanced compared to theirs that from their point of view it would most probably seem like unfounded, fictitious fantasy of the highest order.  More has happened to me in a few short years than has happened in an entire lifetime with them.  I know more, I have access to almost everything I desire and amazingly most of it is attainable if I truly put my mind to it although the vast majority of the world are living way under the most very basic of subsistence levels.  To add to this my days are cluttered by all manner of things, plans, procedures and activities that mostly will not last longer than a few short years if I am lucky.  It seems I am on call 24/7 to and from people and things, most of which I have no real relationship with at all.

My life expectancy is higher, yes, this is true, but only due to the medical technology and artificial chemicals pumped into my body over generations and the way our modern age has developed machines to keep alive those who should have died and kill those who should be living.  What I can look forward to is leaving behind for my offspring a totally disposable world that has exponentially reducing sustainability and no real hope of a livable future … yet we celebrate our achievements and even regard ourselves as the most enlightened, educated, sophisticated and technologically advanced generation to have ever lived on earth.

Maybe I’m just an incurable romantic, disenchanted with the life we now lead and consequently doomed to wander restlessly in search of ever illusive meaning and peace, forever looking for those paths that lead elsewhere?  Maybe I am simply dwelling in a past I don’t or really cannot ever begin to fully understand and therefore wishing on futile, vain fantasy?  Perhaps I am totally deceived?  And perhaps there are some of those out there who lay claim to know who they are, where they are going, what they believe, and what this all is about?  I have no fight with these people, but I also have no envy of them.

I do have a nagging thought that won’t leave me though.

The thought that disturbs me personally is that these ancient, primitive, uneducated people I write about, …  their names are recorded in the ancient texts which have survived in some form to this very day.  They have a powerful legacy and their story, though primitive, possibly overly simplified and mostly culturally veiled and vague lives on, and will most probably live on for as long as mankind is around.

Their  names are written down in the sacred scriptures.

My name is not.